Hxdream

This one is a tough one for me to write about. This blog is simply to share my story in hopes that someone who is feeling this knows that I once felt this too and at times still do. I hope that this makes you feel less vulnerable in your emotions and use this to motivate and generate a new source of energy within.

So here I go.

Have you ever thought, I have no one?

That connection you once had with tons of other people, with friends, partners, a best friend, where did it all go? What changed?

What changed was me. My life, my surroundings, and my thoughts.

Ever since I moved on from my ex. I have changed so much that it has impacted the people I surround myself with. I noticed that I only hold on to 3 of those good connections. Even those are not as every day as they once were.

I notice that I am doing more things on my own by myself which was a dramatic change from the once co-dependent girl I was.

I started to become much more driven and focused which is great but there was one other thing I noticed.

The more focused I get and driven I am, the more lonesome I found myself.

The thing is the people I use to surround myself with all want different things in life.

It is such a huge change from how I was living my life before. Always going out, drinking, partying and being surrounded by people. So naturally I started to wonder “Is there something wrong with me?”

No, there is nothing wrong with you. When you cross the river of change you have to do it on your own. So during these moments you have to learn how to be present. Being present is the most important thing to practice. When you are present you find yourself being able to step forward into the new you that you are morphing into and you realize that are never truly alone.

When you are focused and driven the road seems lonely because its you to yourself.

You hear it from every successful person, “Success is a lonely road.”

You start to see that the people you once associated with fall off the bandwagon. And to be frank some people fall off the band wagon because they start to show their true colors. They become angry with you for not being able to go out with them. Some people get turned off by this new you so they drop you.

So take it for what it is but if you want meaning stay true to yourself and your goals. It’s okay to have standards you are going to have to pick and choose who you like to give your attention to.

In this change to a better you you have to live your life with integrity and with soul. It may take sometime before you find those people who have those same values but trust the process. God will bring the perfect people into your life and it will constantly change through all your seasons.

Also as you are doing this stop comparing yourself to those you see on your social media platforms. Sometimes your feed gets overwhelmed with everyone doing something with someone but honestly it does not mean that they are having the time of there life so there is no need to feel a fear of missing out.

I have gone out and seen people take a snap of a moment to portray that they are having tons of fun but then after they are all bored staring down at their phones. Some feeds feels as though you have lived the whole night with them because they have recorded their entire night. If they are truly having an insane of amount of time then how are they recording the entire night?

When I find myself having an amazing time I am detached from everything. You have so much fun you forget about time, work, obligations, and you forget about the world. So you wouldn’t find me trying to waste my time and energy recording the entire night because that would be taking away from me.

How I so sure that what you are seeing isn’t someone having the time of their lives? Because I use to be that girl surrounded with everyone taking snap chat moments pretending to have fun & thinking “I could’ve stayed home and done something way more productive with my life”

My point here is not to pass judgment but for us to snap back and realize that you create your own reality.

If you feel like you are alone and have no one go out there and do something you love and be present. You will then be surrounded with like minded people and be able to enjoy those moments.

I truly enjoy working out so when my ex and I broke up the first thing I did was bring back that enjoyment into my life.

When we broke up, I felt very alone. The person I once shared day in and day night with that I trusted was gone.

I was shattered & devastated but then slowly I changed that feeling through self-love and through my active life and now after just focusing on the things I loved and doing what my heart wanted to explore I found myself having a whole community of people that I enjoy seeing and connecting with.

Look, you aren’t going to always have someone next to you. Sometimes you are not going to have someone you can call or talk with. We as humans have lives that we have created and we are all on our own journey, adventure, and path. At times those paths can cross and its a beautiful connection. Then there are times when those deep connections are no longer as deep as they once were. This is not because you did something wrong or that there was anything wrong with you. It just means life is happening and that’s when you let go with gratitude and acceptance.

“till our paths cross again, I think to myself , but if it never does then I wish your soul nothing but the best of what life has to offer.”