Hxdream

I never knew that having morals and values would suddenly make others feel like you think that you are better than them.

This is disheartening to me.

Let me indulge in a writing of my truest expression and not hold back. So if this is too much for you, then I understand and stand by your feelings with compassion.

After my initial wake up call from God, I found myself not drinking, smoking, or entertaining in the idea of having sex before marriage.

Let me also explain, this is in no way, shape or form, because I want to try to be holy, or because I am with-holding myself from enjoying things to prove anything.

I want to be so so clear, If I still enjoyed drinking, smoking, & mindless sex, I WOULD STILL BE DOING IT. 

I enjoy chocolate, so I still eat them. I enjoy working out, so I work out. I enjoy looking good so I make myself look good. I ENJOY THESE THINGS and if someone told me that these things were bad, I would not care, “I WOULD STILL DO THEM. LOL.”

So going back to the drinking, sex, and smoking stuff. I use to enjoy these things very much. I actually loved getting messed up and letting so loose that I forget how the night went. However, the moment I had my experience of my initial wake up call, I found myself feeling repulsed by these things. Not because I think I am better. Simply because, IT DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL GOOD! THE EXPERIENCE makes me want to vomit inside. IT IS A REAL FEELING THAT I FEEL.

For the sex situation. I want to believe that God placed it in my heart to with-stain from sex till matrimony. Why? IDK . but even with my finance who I loved, I would feel repulsed by doing stuff other than sex outside of marriage. To me I had a deep feeling or some may say discernment about fornicating before presenting our commitment to one another before God. Every time I would disobey, the feeling of shame overcame me. I wish it didn’t but it did. So even towards the end of our relationship, I had to ask him to not touch me. Not because I didn’t want his love but because I could not bear tell him why or explain to him BECAUSE GOD SAID SO. It is something I couldn’t have him understand.

Most guys just can do not understand how these things can be a repulsing feeling. Honestly, I don’t think I would of been able to either if I was on that other side.

Now this is where I have the hugest issue. Me not wanting to entertain this things or be in an environment that alludes to these outcomes has nothing to do with, A. Me Judging anyone or B. Me Thinking I am better or holier than someone.

So if you are a guy that is interested in me & me being confident and bold in knowing what I enjoy & don’t enjoy bothers you or you can not understand it because 90% of society does it. That’s ok, it’s not for you to understand. Also, I am not 90% of the world. Just because the world sees something as right collectively doesn’t mean I follow the crowd. I follow God & that is my only source.

Also, IT DOES NOT give you the right to assume that I think I am better than you. You not feeling great about yourself just because I do not wish to do these things has nothing to do with me.

So stop making people feel like they are responsible by the way it makes you feel.

Obviously the man of God I end up with will have to know he is Good enough and that my morals and values do not make him anything less than.

But most men in our society have this reaction of less than against me. This shows me how much the, “less than,” feeling really haunts a lot of individuals.

I truly believe and this does not need to be your truth, A true believer knows that they are, “more than,” simply because we were created in the image & likeness of Source.

So it begs to ask, are people mostly disconnected to the truth? The very fact that you Feel less than makes me believe that your Connection with Source is not there because GOD makes this feeling very clear when saved or truly connected.

I only say this because prior to my connection to God I felt less than, not good enough etc. Once awakened God made the truth very clear to me through feelings and I have not felt less than or a void in my heart since.

So idk.. just saying.