Hxdream

Part of allowing someone to be seen is acknowledging the feelings they are having.

Many of us didn’t have the right models to show us what a proper response is when feelings are being shown and expressed.

Comments such as :

“Wipe your tears” “Stop crying and grow up” “Are you a baby or a big girl?” or being punished for expressing anger such as “Go to your room you’re being bad” “What’s your problem?”

Can teach us that having emotions are wrong & sometimes punishments can be severe such as verbal or physical abuse.

Even being too happy can be ridiculed: “Stop laughing you’re being too loud” “Why are you so happy?” “You’re being annoying” “you’re such a tree loving hippie”  

When these reactions are made to make us feel bad we start to suppress our feelings and bury them deep inside. We soon take on the masks of the world and model what the world would rather see. The version that would get us liked & praised. The only challenge is the mask is suffocating our spirits.

Emotions are a part of our ability to experience life and our essence beyond the physical body.  When we suppress these feelings we are essentially locking up the truest nature of our beings not to mention creating dis-ease in ourselves that manifest in many health challenges.

Even as adults we don’t recognize we carry on these patterns of shutting down emotions for ourselves and others because we have grown to believe the norm. 

For example: 

When someone you know comes to you and states “ I feel so lost” and maybe from your perspective they seem to have it all together, the majority of replies can be “What? No you’re not lost you got it all together!”

What seems like a harmless reply is actually negating this persons feelings, having the emotion get suppressed.

Feelings must be expressed so that they can release and leave the body. Life is an expression and we must learn how to have healthier conversations on expressing how we feel.

When people come to me with their feelings, assuming I am in the space to unpack this for them, my response usually looks like:

“What are the things that are making you feel lost?” 

1. I am acknowledging their feelings of being lost & 2. I am creating the space for them to get to know this feeling & how it’s shown up. Sometimes from unpacking a person can realize that what they feel isn’t actually lost but overwhelmed. I love when this happens because it helps people get closer to the core challenge at hand.

Sometimes the person may:

A. be unsure or 

B. be able to unpack the feeling. 

If the person responds that they are unsure you want to respect their confusion and can gently ask “ do you want to talk about it ?” and they’ll let you know if they want to talk about the situation at hand. Sometimes people share a feeling just to share it without needing to dive into it. In these cases it’s best to honor and respect their boundary and a supportive reply could look something like “I hear you , if you want to talk about anything I am here and can hold space for you!” 

If you are unable to unpack feelings due to a lack of know how or possibly it is not your place to do so, then make sure to honor & respect your boundaries first.

We have to remember that we ourselves don’t have to solve or fix anything for someone else. Emotions at times just need to be acknowledged & from there the energy will do the rest.

When feelings are acknowledged this allows the person to take their mask off & it allows for inter-standing & transparency. 

A lot of our programming is to want to fix someones feelings but we must unlearn the idea that emotions are wrong, there is no right or wrong.

Some individuals are a bit more unstable with their emotions and that can be challenging. It will be a bit more common for us to see the rise in instability as more and more people stay engaged on dopamine platforms. However, there are ways to help yourself in creating stability and grounded-ness so that you may be able to discern when you are capable of unpacking someones feelings and when you know it’s best to guide them towards professional help. 

I’ll share a list below on tools and tips that really help promote a stable lifestyle. Whenever I feel instability I go over my list that is proven to work and ask myself where have I gotten a bit loose and clean it back up:

• Set a timer for your social media (my opinion 1 hr is plenty for the whole day), if you have a job that requires you to be on social media then incorporate the amount of time it requires for you to be on the platforms along with your own fun engagement time. 
• Turn off all devices time to time and just sit in the silence. This Is mediation for me, I like to turn off all technology and just appreciate where I am at.
• Try journaling, writing, or some sort of outlet to channel your feelings and sort through them. 
• If you don’t need your phone with you, don’t take it. I tend not to take my phone into the markets or hikes because that’s the time I know I don’t need to be contacted. If there is an emergency I will be no help to someone and usually everyone else has a phone an them so if I absolutely needed to call for help I am sure I can find someone with a phone.
• Practices such as reading, meditating, working out, going on hikes, and gardening really promote more connectedness give them a go.
• Deep breathing and Yoga is always amazing. 
• Cut out toxic programs, people, music and food. How can you tell if somethings toxic? Anything that makes you get in your head and start analyzing or judging is toxic in my opinion lol. 
• If you find yourself in your head a lot go to step 2 along with finding a therapist you can start seeing you may just need someone to help you and your nervous system. 
• Be patient with yourself, it takes times to re-build healthy habits. It’s okay to have to start over as many times as needed so long as you do. 

Thank you for reading, thank you for loving, and thank you for being.I hope to leave you with insight and encouragement with every post. I hope that when you find yourself in a battle or challenge that my shares allow you to remember you are not alone in them. Rememeber there is no perfection there is just life and its experiences.

You got this, sending you love, grace, and support through all your hard moments and sending you the spirit of celebration for all your happy moments

L & L – Heidi V.