Hxdream

I can’t help but laugh a bit as I decide to share this blog post.

I am going to share a little bit of how this conditioning was formed & why it was my big disadvantage. If you are a lot like me & mistakes are not well received then I am sharing this for us.

I grew up in an emotionally unavailable home. It’s generational, not that but my mom had a stern influence in my life. She tend to use yelling and hitting as a form of discipline.

Growing up, if I was caught making mistakes, I would either be ridiculed down to my core or smacked.

The worse was being told to “Go Grab The Stick!”

What was the stick?

It was either the steel broomstick or the wooden spoon.

Whenever the words”go grab the stick” was stated, it was my indication that the punishment was going to be gnarly.

I can laugh now but in no way do I condone or support any form of abuse.

For me forgiveness has taken place & God has revealed so much within me. I no longer hold any anger or grief from it.

Moving on….

Making mistakes became scary for me but here’s the thing……I was a growing child bound to make many mistakes! However, the discipline I received conditioned me to develop a belief that mistakes are not okay & not allowed.

The pain from making them programmed me to protect myself by learning how to lie or withhold information first to my mom and then it trickled to people I loved. This lying then developed its own self illusions affecting my ability to see myself clearly. I found myself trying to be “perfect” in everyones eyes to gain approval & avoid pain.

Yes! For most of my life I have been an avoidant avoiding any form of pain possible!

I have always had great ambitions but the conditioning of getting it right the first time restricted me from trying or seeing things through.

There can be no mistakes in my mind & when mistakes were make the thoughts that would come up were things such as “ you’re not good enough, you can’t do it, see there you go again making a mistake … basically you suck lol.

I found myself throwing away what I started 99% of the time time. That’s huge, then I wonder why I was struggling in certain aspects of my life.

This belief system just recently started to surfacing in a big way! See I wasn’t aware that I had this structure then I started to follow the bread crumbs of where my struggles lay and come from.

The catalyst to this deeper awareness started when I got the opportunity to work with people that I respect & trust. This level of love brought the shadow of perfection to rise.

In no way did these individuals tell me ” You have to be perfect” or ” You can’t make mistakes” instead they encouraged me and believed in me.

Although I hold no grudge about my upbringing I still unknowingly have a bit of ptsd. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Meaning the stress of that time has not been fully worked through hence the shadows. I am currently doing the shadow work around this area of my life and I am learning how to breath while recondition my thoughts of how I view mistakes.

God wants us to grow, expand, and reach.

God wants us to win in all aspects of life.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

When I win, everyone wins.

When others win we win.

How?

If I can show up in grace, compassion, inner-standing, and love I spread Gods affection and message. However, when I am stuck in stress which for me is caused by needing to be perfect! I restrict my inner being and take from the world. I take resources instead of giving.

It’s all energetic.

Think of a time you were overwhelmed or stressed. How did you show up to others? Where you a bit short, angry, did you project a bit more?

Think about it…..

All those reactions have an affect on others. Yet, when we are at peace we show up differently. How do you show up when you are feeling good? Probably a bit more loving, kind, and possibly giving.

Full Circle

I am back where I started 3 years ago sharing my content and building what I love which is a brand that helps facilitate others to find their internal balance. My true love and passion is harmony, balance, peace, health which to me all equal wealth.

There is a balance in all things. I was creating a huge in-balance when I wasn’t allowing myself to make mistakes.

Mistakes are a balance in life & our fears of not wanting to make a mistake keeps us stuck. It keeps us un-able to move forward, to walk, to experience, to expand, to live.

If we can take the time to reflect and ask ourselves:

• Who do I need to be perfect for?
• Why do I need to be perceived as perfect?
• What is perfect?
• What is my relationship with making mistakes?

You may be able to find the keys/solutions to your challenges.

The idea that mistakes aren’t perfect is the illusion.

Mistakes hold value, wisdom and massive amounts of growth, its an opportunity to learn.

So in closing, I hope that you choose to win, Win big, make mistakes, if you aren’t making mistakes then you aren’t growing. So Grow, grow in your-way and know that mistakes do not determine your worth rather they show you more of who you are by how you react to them.

Mistakes are simply there to help you expand, grow, and live a full life.

They are blessings

Mistakes are a part of the balance in life!

I hope to continue sharing more as this personal journey unfolds and with every win I plan to share them so that you may take any seeds that you wish to plant as well in your garden of eden.

Sending you massive amounts of love and blessings- Ong Namo