Hxdream

You don’t know until you experience it for yourself.

I was nervous due to my uncertainty of so many things. What will happen to me? What will be experienced? What if nothing happens or I don’t know how to properly do whatever it is that I am suppose to do.

So many thoughts ran through my head but also a deeper knowing sat at the seat of my heart. The knowing was that I was going to go through this journey regardless of the fearful thoughts I was having. Whatever unfolds will be what unfolds.

For some time, I sat on when the appropriate time for me to experience an Owaken Breathwork journey would be & the day finally had arrived. I just knew it was time to make it known that I was ready to drop in.

Shame & Guilt was what I had decided I wanted to work on releasing

Sunday was the day chosen to experience this journey with Lukis (one of the founders of Owaken Breathwork), which was 2 days away.

Sunday approached and I was beyond nervous. I arrived to the front door and stepped into the perfect moment.

Everything felt divinely orchestrated. From the safe container, to the songs that played in the background & hosted by cacao (which was amazing) I was really supported to let my guard down and feel at ease.

Beyond the sofa were two mats with some tools (tuning forks and other things I don’t know the name to lol) that Lukis would use during my session. Palo santo was lit & released along with a candle and beautiful crystals set around the mats.

As we dropped in Lukis asked specific questions that got me to a place that I didn’t know I was going to go . He also had a guided knowing of where my shame and guilt came from and he was so spot on. Tears formed around my eyes and I knew, yes, hit the nail.

We chatted a bit and then he said “Okay you’re ready to go” LOL, I laugh now because I remember feeling dread like “Oh man, here we go!”

We started off with shaking out the body to calm the nerves and let go. I then laid down and we began….I was guided to start breathing deeply (the techniques of how to breath was shared prior to beginning). Once he guided me into my activation breathing space, thats when it all began.

At first so much was going on, I felt like I dropped into my body pretty quickly. The noises going on all around me, the prayers Lukis prayed & the breathing I was doing felt like I was starting to go in and out.

As I was breathing Lukis was guiding me by asking ” What would you like to release? Set those intentions” to which I internally set, I was releasing any shame & guilt. I was then guided to ask for what I needed & how I would like to feel after this session. I internally answered, “Liberated, I want to feel free after this.” I was then encouraged to call in whoever I wanted into the space, whether it was Christ, Angels, or loved ones & the only thing that came to me was calling in ” Love.”

Sometimes setting intentions feel silly to me but in that moment there was no feeling of silliness. There was a conviction of knowing that there was power in the intentions I had just set & I was off!!!

The journey itself was 45 min. of Owaken Breathwork which truly felt like it ended right when it started lol.

I have to say what happened after is hard to express. I am going to do my best but no amount of words will do it justice.

I met myself back in time to when I was a little girl & I had just been yelled at by my mom. I won’t get into the details of what but that was my first known experience of feeling shame and guilt.

For me, the journey wasn’t visual, it was more vibrational and energetic. I met myself energetically in that moment and time.

I remember crying as I was breathing & repeating ” I’m so sorry” multiple times. I am not sure if the little me was saying sorry for her actions or I was saying sorry for her being hurt but I kept repeating “I’m so sorry” I even repeated it in Korean.

Reflecting back now I was releasing guilt. The guilt that I felt for what I had done. I was saying sorry to myself, my mom and that moment. There was a few other phrases I kept repeating which was I love you & thank you.

I was energetically releasing the guilt and giving the little me what I needed at that time which was love and support. I recall embracing that little me and showering love on her. When I was embracing myself at that moment in life, I felt this overwhelming feeling of gratitude, appreciation, & love. I was beyond grateful and then this knowing dropped in for me. I knew that in that moment the piece of me that was repressed was released & filled with love. I just remember either saying or hearing something along the lines of ” I am so grateful because I get to be with you again.” The union between me and that time felt so present. The purity of who I was before the feelings of shame & guilt felt like it had came back.

It’s weird how things all had a perfect timing.

What began with painful tears turned into uncontrollable, joy-filled laughter & ended with bliss-filled gratitude. I soon found myself calming down remaining in the bliss. I think what was beautiful was knowing that I had completed what needed to be completed in order to move forward in my own personal life.

As the journey was ending, we (me and my younger self), made promises with one another. The 5 year old me before leaving repeated the words “promise?” andI kept repeating back to her ” I promise”

I can’t exactly word for word say what the promise was but it was about not giving up on her which was ultimately promising myself that I would not give up on me.

As the journey wrapped up, the last word that dropped into my consciousness was “forgiveness”

Reflecting on what that meant now (a day later as I am writing this blog) the energy of shame & guilt stored in my body at that time in my life was rippling out as behaviors & patterns. I didn’t know how to handle the feelings of shame and guilt at 5 years old so I suppressed it inside. As a result, the stored energy contributed to the repeating situations that showed up in my life up till this point. It was rippled effects. Owaken Breathwork allowed me to go back to that time & point & sort through those emotions so that the energy could finally be properly released.

With that energy processed out of the body, I felt like I was able to forgive myself of the events that felt shameful and I no longer had to carry guilt from it.

When the journey was complete I could not believe what had just happened. I had awoken in complete shock, lol. Literally shook & shaking.

I couldn’t really speak or say much about the actual experience itself besides telling Lukis ” O MY GOODNESS THAT WAS SO WILD.” WHAT JUST HAPPENED? It felt like I had taken some sort of psychedelic but was on nothing.

For whoever is reading this I hope this share gives you encouragement to not give up & to move forward facing yourself & meeting yourself.

I am so very grateful to have experienced what a full Owaken Breathwork journey is & why it’s changing so many lives. This work is healing, transforming, and sacred. I plan to continue releasing, alchemizing and transforming with this work.

If you get a chance to join an event I hope you take it. I have to admit this work is truly for those who are ready for change. I believe I was ready and the experience met me at the perfect moment.

Thank you, with so much love, your sister in Christ – Heidi (me) 🙂