Hxdream

Sat in on my second journey with Owaken Breathwork today 7/11/

& it was powerful.

Definitly different from my first experience.

This one seems like there will be more layers unpacked overtime. (if you want to know how my first journey went you can read it a few posts down: My journey meeting myself with O.B)

As we started this journey I was already emotional. Tears were running down my eyes, maybe it was the fear or nerves but I did feel unsettled.

We started the journey & this one was about releasing a belief system that no longer serves us that we may have been carrying.

I thought it would be an easy releasing of “I am not good enough” for me. I thought this was the belief that was going to be released since I was having the most struggles around it with not speaking my truth & having all these negative self thoughts when I did want to speak up such as “No one cares” , “no one likes you” , ” you’re annoying and you’re only going to be tolerated.”

But this was not fully the case.

As the journey went on I noticed that my body was clenching up real bad and my hands were like lobster hands. I couldn’t move them and my calves along with abs were all clenched. Soon it became too painful to continue that I had to slow down the breath work.

I didn’t want to stop but every time I would start again the pain was unbearable.

I tried to do everything I could to unclench my body moving and tossing around & nothing was working. Soon I stopped fidgeting around & told myself to just witness & feel into the pain. Allow the pain to be present and lean into it.

So I did and that’s when I was taken back to a past experience when I was 6 years old.

I never knew in a million years that this experience would ever show itself again. I never even think about it but the fact that it showed up for me was huge.

My sister ( age 9), dad, mom & I were all going to my sisters & I piano recital. I remember being really excited but also feeling like something was off with my parents.

I had just played “Fur Elise” for an entire crowd and got my trophy wearing my favorite white princess like dress with a white bow.

It was now time to go home & we were all in the car on our way home. My mom driving my dad in the passenger’s seat, my sister behind the passengers seat and I behind the drivers.We were in our old Lincoln town car with a deep red leather interior.

I don’t know what happened but all the sudden as my mom is driving the conversation between my mom and dad escalated. They started yelling at each other & if I had to guess it was probably around my mom being unhappy with my dad not paying attention to us playing & possibly drinking too much. This was most of their fights.

The fighting escalated & my dad starts banging on the dashboard screaming obscenity & my mom banging the middle console. The fight was getting very heated & then all the sudden my dad pops out of the car as my mom approaches a red light and I believe he starts walking towards a bus stop.

I just know I was freaking out internally feeling scared & sad. I think my mom then makes us try to get our dad back in the car but I don’t remember if we succeeded or if we ended up just going home leaving my dad.

I think from that day forward recitals weren’t a happy place. I also believe that was when I felt scared un unsafe.

When I reflect now there are so many emotions about this day. One is, was me and my sister not visible to them? We were in the back seat watching all this! My moment for my parents to be proud of us felt like it was taken away by their emotions.I might of screamed for them to stop & probably told to shut up

This experience was very intense & I couldn’t stay with it for too much longer. We were guided to give our younger self what we needed in that moment & to re-write a new future.

A mantra that ended the entire journey was “It’s safe to be seen.” I met myself & hugged my 6 year old self & I just kept repeating “it’s safe to be seen.”

There was nothing safe about that experience & I had to go back to that time to undo the trauma that was deeply felt that day.

As I was repeating to my younger self “It is safe to be seen” A white light took over my crown area almost traveling down my face but it stopped once it reached my eye point.

I am unsure why but I had a feeling that healing was taking place from this moment.

Lot’s of energy was moving around my stomach and lower back. My hands were shaking and I felt like a lot of energy got moved around.

This journey feels like a tbc to be honest.

I never knew this was still in me but the breath work took me to a very deep past I never spoke or thought of which is showing me that it has still be affecting the lens to which I see life.

I feel so grateful and this is such powerful work.

Thank you Owaken Breathwork, for creating such a safe container & sacred space.