Hxdream

You can fully support yourself when you accept yourself

” You are really sensitive Heidi”

It was as if I had heard those words for the first time in 33 years.

Hearing those words uttered by my friend- landed so differently for me this time. There was a full opening of my heart and surrendering to each word.

I became filled with so much gratitude, I couldn’t thank her enough for saying those exact words at the exact time she did!

I had been doing life denying this part of me.

Growing up my mom & sister would tell me how sensitive I was and that I was too much. So naturally I had formed this idea & thought that there was something wrong with me. I did everything I could to deny the feelings!

It was repeated by so many people throughout my life and every time I would hear those words ” you are really sensitive” -friction would arise in me.

I didn’t know what being too sensitive meant?!?

Finally after 33 years of denying it, I finally heard the words in full acceptance for the very first time.

I stopped my friend in that moment telling her, ” Kristen, Thank you so much for saying that to me!”

She was confused and wasn’t sure if I was hurt by the comment so she buffered letting me know “it’s not a bad thing , you just happen ….”

-“no I am truly grateful because for the first time I hear those words and I feel fully in love with it “

tears bursted down my eyes.

I had been trying to do life for so long pretending I wasn’t sensitive. I had no idea how heavy the weight & how big the burden of pretending was.

Pretending I wasn’t sensitive always had me wondering, what is wrong with me?

I would pretend to not care when my heart was breaking. I would try to be strong suppressing it all.

It wasn’t okay to feel as deeply as I did and so I pained in silence.

I pained alone in the dark holding myself my entire life.

My pain was shamed, denied and it was told that it was unacceptable.

No one heard my pain & I was told that my pain didn’t matter. So naturally I myself grew up shaming it, denying it & not accepting it.

I would get in relationships with guys who would tell me there was something wrong with me with all my feelings boiling under my skin.

I projected loudly.

The projection was my pain wanting to be seen but me not knowing how to allow it to be.

……I am a sensitive person & accepting this now feels like I can do life with full permission.

I am sensitive to energy, feelings, light, colors, words, music & now I don’t have to conform to appease others.

I get to fully own it and nurture myself in ways I need, to fully supporting myself.

With so many years of working on myself, trying to be a better person and then having my awakening, God was able to reveal to me the path of what this super power was & how to use it in service to others.

I can be sensitive now without it being a negative experience.

I get to be open about it, transparent.

Vulnerability feels a bit easier now.

I can now support myself in cultivating healthier relationship by communicating my needs of when I need space or when I need support.

I can fully be me without needing to hide the parts that I thought wasn’t okay trying to make them un true.

Yes, it’s true I am sensitive & I can feel everything very deeply.