Hxdream

Like a thread, it all ties together.

Last week on Tuesday I sat in on a breathwork journey with Owaken.

This journey was of course completely different from the other 2 journeys I had.

This one felt very physical for me. My entire body tensed up and my hands were up to my face unable to move.

This journey was showing me how tightly I was holding on, but to what?…

After the journey I walked into the kitchen where I let out my sweet newly adopted puppy Sage just a short few days ago.

As my energy was still pulsing through me I saw Sage, happy to finally be let out of her crate, I saw her & in that moment I saw truth.

Truth revealed to me that I was not Sage’s person.

The truth of this hit really deep.

Had Sage been a horrible puppy, I would of had an easier time with all this but the fact that she was amazing made it so difficult.

I had fallen in love with her & God was telling me that this wasn’t meant for me to keep and hold onto.

All these emotions poured through me & my mind was trying to justify why I should keep her.

My mind and heart was in ab battle & it was making things so much more difficult.

It wouldn’t be till Sunday that I could take her back to where I adopted her from.

During the days that led up to taking her back I did my best to make the best out of everything.

I just stayed with her and appreciated her for the little time we had together.

Sunday arrived and there was no more mind chatter, my mind had finally given up.

This eased things up for me allowing me to give her one last run, one last hug, one last meal, one last love.

I took her back to the adoption place at 2pm that day and teared up but felt assured knowing I was doing what was right.

When I stepped out of the building and looked to my phone the time stamped 2:22.

This felt like a confirmation for me & when I curiously looked up the meaning it told me that the reason for seeing 222 could possibly be that the heavens were asking me to have faith and patience knowing that there was a bigger plan for everything & my time would come.

Something about that resonated deeply giving me strength to keep walking forward.

Of course coming back home to a once again empty home was hard. I woke up the next day (Monday) just sobbing.

I had called my friend Kristine for emotional support as the day had been so difficult for me.

I was taken back with how emotional this whole process has been for me then Kristine mentioned, ” What if this isn’t about Sage but Sage was the one that needed to bring this all out for you? “

I wasn’t too positive where she was going with all this so I asked “can you clarify what you mean?”

She hesitated to say it but said ” It feels like you were trying to fix something with Sage”

I was confused how that was worded so I asked” Are you trying to say that I got Sage to compensate for something?”

She hesitated to be honest but ” Yes”

I couldn’t of been more than happy for her saying that. It felt like it released something with me. ” Yes, Kristine, I feel that Sage was adopted to compensate for something & maybe I was trying to fix something from my past that I was still wounded from so adopting her was a way to pretend that it was all being fixed “

Sage was a distraction for me just like my past relationship. I loved my past relationship & I loved Sage but it didn’t make it the right fit.

Then this bigger awareness came over me which brought me back to Tuesdays breathwork journey.

Going back for a moment. ..

On Tuesday after my breathwork journey I felt God was asking me to surrender in a bigger way.

What was this bigger way?

I am being asked to surrender my entire reality.

I have been holding on to my past narratives, past energies, past stories.

I am holding on to this reality because my ego is so afraid to die .

There is a big calling for me to let go of everything so that I can move into the new and truthfully this scares the F*** out of me but as I look at all that has transpired over the last few weeks like letting go of the old identity I played in my toxic family dynamics, letting go of personal items, & letting go of friendships. It feels like all this has been transpiring me to get ready for the big let go.

– Letting go of my reality.